In the last couple of weeks I’ve had the hardest days I can remember. I have a family member who’s really struggling with health issues. Our relationship is complicated. It feels like there are no right answers, no right way to feel.
Amid that, I also had the most magnificent and soul-changing day. I think, because I decided to make a little room for it.
In spite of feeling really depleted, I begrudgingly decided to go to a few events I planned months ago. Among them, a concert that would be that soul-changing moment. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and sleep, but something told me – go against that. Go against the anxiety, the incessant worry about my relative. I heard recently that even when you’re caretaking (or even just emotionally caretaking) a loved one, you have to keep living your life, making connections. When you inevitably return from the grief, you need a life-affirming place to land.
At that show the universe, God, whatever force you believe in, felt like it personally said “keep going, keep dreaming”. There were so many moments that said to, that I just can’t explain, so I decided to believe it. It left me feeling whole. Even with the grief, I felt an immense and transcending feeling I can’t ignore. I can’t ignore all of the possibility in my life.
Nick Cave
“You’ve got to just keep on pushing, keep on pushing, push the sky away“
As all of the pretense and layers I’ve built from life fell away. What was left was: Authenticity. A burning, driving desire for it.
So now, it’s my job to not ignore that gift, that feeling…and I’m starting by telling you.
May the light you look for illuminate your path this week,
Danlye
